I can remember now the days when I would have done anything and spoken to anyone to be a part of a group like that. Those days were not too long ago. Just a few years ago, when I was young and fiery and artistic and intelligent and I made things happen. I also ruined a lot of things… I guess that’s how I got to where I am.
...read more hereIt’s amazing the things I learned to live without while there. I was locked up for two weeks, and I didn’t miss the internet. I didn’t miss rum or tequila. I didn’t miss a cheeseburger. I didn’t miss busy-ness or productivity. Fuck, I didn’t even miss my shoelaces that much. I haven’t even put them back on my shoes yet.
...read more hereIt’s amazing how I’ve only just checked out of the hospital and I’m already filling my life up with empty motion. Just like a New Yorker, huh? I’m so full of empty motion. Never sleep, always busy, just like my city…
...read more hereEveryone keeps expecting me to feel something, but I’d rather just stare out the window at the lights on the Empire State Building. There are so, so many lights on so, so many buildings… these are the stars in New York City, and there are so, so many stars…
...read more hereIt’s not that I dislike to pace alone; I’d leap at the chance if it were truly possible. I enjoy my own company. However, nature abhors a vacuum and so do men who seem to think that the space created beside me needs to be filled by their vapid pick-up attempts. Ugh.
...read more hereThis hospital doesn’t lie the way the universe does. The universe wants you to do shit and keep doing shit. Put out that positive energy. Work hard, the universe lies. Five years of doing shit and now I’m back in my parents’ house.
...read more hereI didn’t expect to hear from him at all today, but I did. He called the ward patient phone while I was in “art therapy group” stringing beads together for a bracelet. He wanted to continue the argument. I wanted to continue my bracelet.
...read more hereWhile I’m here thinking of him, he’s out there thinking of the Undertaker.
I’m suddenly glad once again to be where I am, safe in a hospital where such big bad evil things as my ex-husband’s apathy can’t get me.
...read more hereThe view will become more stunning later when I turn out the lights in this room and the brilliance of the Manhattan skyline really begins to speak. It’s a sort of self-incarcerated prison that I’m in, but beauty makes it tolerable.
Oh, who am I kidding? I’m having a blast here.
...read more hereWhat I have found is that which I suppose I always knew: that I am not crazy. I have no required medication. No pills to get up, pills to sleep, pills to eat, pills to shit…
...read more here
