Sunday, Feb/17/2013 1:57am
I notice that when I stand perfectly still I can hear my heart beating, and I wonder why it’s working so hard today.
I opt for herbal tea because it’s decaffeinated. Not that I think green tea will necessarily keep me up any more than racing thoughts have been, but caution may serve me well here. I choose a blackberry vanilla (yes, I’m slowly building up a collection of flavors… I’m up to my third one). It’s too hot now. I’m contemplating throwing in a shot of vodka, but I may not bother.
I was up late last night, too. Working.
I wonder if the rest of the world works as hard as I do, or if I’m just being whiny? I wonder if the little tiny things I take notice of and labor over really make a difference in the long run or if I’m just being fussy? I wonder if I’m focusing on all the wrong details and missing the obvious? Did I sacrifice the wrong thing?
I wonder if I’m doing a good job? I wonder what a good job even would look like?
I wonder if it even matters that I forgot to practice my guitar today?
My tea has cooled down enough that I can taste both the vanilla and the blackberry. I’ll save the vodka for a more desperate occasion. I’ll let my circulatory system calm down on its own. I’m told it has that superpower.